Victim or Victor?

  • Why did this happen to me?
  • Why now?
  • When will the guys in xyz department start doing their job?
  • When will I get a salary increase?

Ask any of these questions aloud, to yourself right now. What is the feeling you’re left with? Is there a tinge of ‘poor me‘, or ‘they did it to me‘?

I read a book recently called “The Question Behind the Question”, by John G. Miller

It’s clear that none of the above questions will help you in any way to get past your challenge. In fact, they leave you with a feeling that none of it’s in your control anyway – so why even try…

Here are a few steps to changing your questions into something much more empowering. Use the following suggestions:

  • Start your question with “What” or “How
  • Include “I” in your question
  • Use an action word in your question

For instance:

  • How can I make a difference in this situation?
  • What can I say to help this employee perform his tasks better?
  • How can I do my job better so that they have no choice but to give me a raise?

Yes – it DOES put the ball in your court. But now at least you’re taking responsibility for the outcome and not allowing others to have power over your future.


"There are three kinds of violence: one, through our deeds; two, through our words; and three, through our thoughts. The root of all violence is in the world of thoughts, and that is why training the mind is so important." -- Eknath Easwaran

No Problem - The Book

Now includes a FREE 30 Day e-Course
Delivered right to your inbox!!

Go to top